[Nettime-bold] We Must Protest (fwd)

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W E   M U S T   P R O T E S T .

BY JIM STALLARD

- - - -

Tang Jiaxuan
Foreign Minister
The People's Republic of China

Dear Mr. Tang,

On behalf of the United States Government, I want to express my gratitude 
for allowing our inspection of the EP-3 Navy patrol aircraft that was forced 
to make an emergency landing on the island of Hainan. It is our deepest hope 
that our two nations will not allow this unfortunate incident to interfere 
with the important economic relations that hold such promise for a 
prosperous future.

However, I must take exception to certain actions of Chinese personnel who 
boarded the EP-3—which our government considers to be sovereign 
territory—while the aircraft was in your possession. Close examination of 
the aircraft has revealed clear violations of the equipment and confidential 
data within the aircraft, which is protected by international law. Some of 
it appears to fall into the category of outright sabotage.

Among the violations discovered so far:

The musical compact disc (CD) collection under the workstation of Senior 
Airman Curtis Towne had clearly been disturbed. There are several pieces of 
evidence bearing this out:


The CDs by Metallica ("Load") and Bad Company ("Running With the Pack") were 
not placed in their respective cases but left unprotected on top of Lt. 
Towne's monitor.


Jethro Tull's "Aqualung" had been incorrectly filed in the section 
delineated for singer/songwriters.


Two CDs by the Woo Tan Klan ("Wu-Tang Forever" and "Enter the Wu-Tang") are 
missing.


Computer records show that the half-finished novel on Lt. Tierney's hard 
drive had been opened and examined. Regarding the unsolicited comments 
inserted at the end of the document: It is not your nation's prerogative to 
judge whether a creative work-in-progress is "overly derivative."


A personal photograph of Lt. John Comerford's wife was defaced with graffiti 
making a crude reference to U.S. scientist Wen Ho Lee's "having been" to a 
site on the photograph. Mrs. Comerford's current grave illness makes this 
act especially outrageous.


The messages in the fortune cookies left on Lt. Robert Harper's seat are not 
appreciated. I won't go any further on that subject except to point out that 
Mannix is a fictional television character, not a real person.


More than 16 minutes of audiotape containing irreplaceable surveillance data 
was recorded over with what seemsto be several persons making oral sounds 
that resemble machine guns, exploding bombs and human flatulence. Analysis 
of the sounds (and accompanying snickering) allowed U.S. linguists to 
establish that the persons on the audiotape were raised somewhere in the 
province of Hunan in your nation.


Electronic analysis by U.S. military technicians revealed that three VHS 
videotapes aboard the EP-3 plane ("Red Dawn"; "ET—The Extra-Terrestrial"; 
and "The Thin Red Line") were duplicated while the Chinese government had 
control of the aircraft. This is a flagrant violation of international 
copyright laws.


Two bathroom commodes were apparently used and not flushed.


The seat of Lt. Patrick Honeck in the cockpit had been adjusted to 
accommodate a much smaller person and not returned to its original position.
I don't feel the need to remind you that the United States is not a 
collection of drunk, unarmed students celebrating in the middle of a public 
square. In addition to its formidable military strength, the U.S. exports a 
staggering amount of filmed entertainment, popular music, computer 
technology and tobacco. In the future, violations like the ones listed above 
will be met with swift, merciless tariffs.

For a nation thought to be 4,000 years old, it is unfortunate that yours 
feels the need to act like one so immature. On behalf of the U.S., let me 
say we are truly shenbiao qianyi this is the case.

Sincerely,

Joseph W. Prueher
United States Ambassador to China

_________________________________________________________________________


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